You Should Go & Love Yourself 🖤

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I haven’t written in a while but I write when I feel inspired and right now as I sit for the 4th day on the same spot on my couch cooped up with Mono, I feel inspired. I literally haven’t moved. Netflix and Amazon Prime have been bae and life has been sweet. Which brings me to talking about my New Years resolution. My resolution was to do less. I know what you’re thinking… that’s like the opposite of a resolution. {side note-Abby Grace snores, she’s snoring right next to me right now and it took me 3 minutes to figure out it was her and not the dog 🐕 if she ever reads this she will kill me.} Anyway, for me this is a resolution and one I did not keep at all. In fact I decided to apply to Nurse Practitioner school which definitely doesn’t fall into the do less category. But I didn’t get in…. and I should be devastated, but I’m not. I was shocked at how UN-devestated I have been. Then I got mono and my body literally forced me to sit in my house and do nothing. Normally I would be going stir crazy to get out and do something but I’m not. I’ve thought a lot and listened to what my gut has been telling me for a while. Be still. Just calm down. Enjoy your life. You DON’T have to work all the time. Who exactly am I trying to impress ? The answer is ME! I have been trying to impress myself. Weird right? But I was! I was trying to make sure I knew just how much I could do. But I know that already. I can calm down now. I can take a minute and enjoy my family, and the rain, and a good book, and my husbands love. I don’t HAVE to do it all and I most definitely don’t have to do it by myself…. even though I can. So while I may be late on the whole New Years resolution blog, I’m not late on the L.O.V.E. blog because this is about love too.

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Everyone on this Earth loves differently. Some people love with words, some with actions, some with gifts. It’s all love though. Love is a little bit about Power though too, actually it’s a lotta bit about power. Giving someone the power to hurt you. To leave you. To lie to you or mislead you. You give up your power to someone else and trust them not to screw you over. It’s insane! I mean really think about it. It’s nuts. You find this person and you just hand them your heart and essentially say, “Here you go, please don’t screw me over. ”

How does that happen? Our whole goal in life as humans is to survive but here we go just giving away the very essence of ourselves to another. They could literally KILL you in your sleep. But you trust them not to. Trusting that the person you chose isn’t going to be a piece of crap person – but knowing everyday isn’t a fairytale and people who act like it is are lying liars lying out of their lie holes. Don’t listen to those people and for SURE don’t compare yourself or your other half to them. Those people are forcing it. Let go. Let go of the ideas that your guy has to be Prince Charming. He doesn’t. He just needs to be trust worthy. Because everything good pretty much falls into that category. Does he make you happy? If the answer is yes, then sister you are WINNING. Will you fight ? Yes. Will you cry sometimes ? Yes. But as long as your aren’t fighting and crying way more than your laughing and having fun together then it’s all going to be ok. I guarantee you if the next time you have a fight you think to yourself “Is this really a big deal? Won’t I be over this tomorrow? Is this something I want to leave over?” If the answer is no to all those things then just shut up!!! And say “I love you. ” There’s really nothing to fight over if he makes you happy. {Now obviously I’m not talking about the bad guy that you HOPE is going to turn into the good guy. I’ve been with him and he’s a piece of shit and sister you shouldn’t fight with him either. You should just leave. He isn’t changing. Ever. }

 

Which brings me to the part where I quit my job. ****SHOCKED FACED**** I know. This is a huge change for me. I’ve worked full time since I was 18 and have NEVER been without a job. I’m not 100% quitting, but even just dropping down the PRN (part-time) status is scary for me because I’m letting go of a piece of my control. I’ve been raised to never need a man. And I don’t. But that’s not really the point is it? No honey you should never need a man, but it’s ok to want one. Ken Berry knows full well I don’t need him to survive, I’m sure that’s partly what he loves about me. I don’t have to get up and drive 45 minutes both ways to work a 12 hour shift job 3-4 days a week to prove that to him. I was proving it to myself because some idiot in my past hurt me. Isn’t it crazy how someone so dumb can say or do something and it just STICK in your brain for years!? But he is long gone and if I saw him today I wouldn’t even know him.

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So why have I been letting that run my life and essentially cause conflict in my relationship? Because I’m human. We all are just trying to survive. But I don’t just want to survive- I want to live. So I’m going to see the world with my husband and do whatever I want whenever I want and it’s going to be awesome. You know why I am doing this ? Because I love Me ❤ and if you don’t like it…. well, then you can go and love yourself.

x,

NSB

make sure you come over to instagram and see what’s up over there @neishalovesit

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