Dear Mom’s [& Fellow Women]

Dear Mom’s

PLEASE don’t compare your story to mine. Or anyone’s for that matter. We are all on completely different paths. Every single one of us. Wether you’re comparing and feeling bad about yourself or comparing in a mean way thinking my story is fake, or inexperienced, or shallow. Both are completely messed up. Why are you comparing at all!? Stop reading someone’s story and putting that on yourself in any negative way. If you don’t get anything from my story I’m sorry, truly. But I hope that you see that most bloggers or even just moms on Facebook, we are just sharing our stories. Our ups and downs, our success and failures. That’s exactly the same as you telling your friends YOUR story. I feel like Social media could be used as an extension of the village we use to have. Having 100s of other women lift you up in times of trouble and celebrate you in times of success. If you aren’t doing that then you should step away from the keyboard. For those who say that putting yourself on social media opens you up to people being cruel for no reason… that is like saying that by walking out the door I should just accept that I might be punched in the face by a complete stranger – and that actually happening everyday. It’s ridiculous to have different rules for being KIND because you are on Facebook or whatever platform.

I hope kindness is his #1 trait.

I am lucky enough to be able to be a stay at home mom… (yes I vlog and blog but I don’t HAVE to ) and that’s something I NEVER wanted to be. Like ever. But here I am, loving it. For anyone to say I’m not working… is especially unsettling coming from the females out there in Cyber world. I didn’t quit my job to be a trophy wife (although I don’t see anything wrong with that either. Do you sister). I quit to go through IVF and give our embryo the best chance at survival. Seems like it was the right idea because he’s in my arms at this very moment. [I’ve learned to multitask like I never knew I could. ] I’m not a retired nurse. I am a NURSE. Last time I checked no one was sending me a check for being retired. Moms take time off to raise babies and go back to work all the time. You think push presents are stupid? I think you deserve a lifetime of push presents from your husband. And they don’t have to be superficial, in fact I hope they aren’t. But if you want a trip to Fiji, girl you deserve that too.

Dear Mom’s, are you doing the best you can? Then no ones story is better than yours. All boats rise together! Let me say that again. ALL BOATS RISE TOGETHER!!!! You don’t have to say mean things to lift your boat up. That puts a hole in your boat. It doesn’t effect mine whatsoever. When I share my story I hope you see that struggles have been my entire life and I am a JUST NOW seeing the Sun. I have been in the dark the majority of my life. Nothing has EVER come easy for me and if it looks that way to you, it’s because you must have just got here. So, fellow females, I know this post probably won’t change the world…but maybe it will change your world. You are beautiful and strong. You are smart and incredibly powerful. You are WOMAN!

This gorgeous baby got here one of the hardest ways possible. I had to go after him. I had to go through IVF. And after doing that I pushed to hold him for 5 hours before having him ripped from me with forceps leaving me torn from front to back and leaving his beautiful face bruised from trauma… and that’s only one of my stories.

To those who want to be a mom more than anything and STILL don’t have those 2 pink lines… the path you are walking is harder than most and I don’t know if you will ever get what you want. But don’t give up. And you especially shouldn’t compare. People all around me had babies without having to do anything expect enjoy their partner. But I never saw anything but my path because everyday I woke up and found something positive about my life to focus on. Was everyday great? Hell no, but I was ok and I never begrudged a friend or family member for having something wonderful in their life. Some of my best friends DON’T even want kids. They show me nothing but love for something they know brings me joy. You don’t have to agree with people to be happy for them… I just feel like this entire year has shown me so many peoples true colors. Down to December 31st I am sure they will continue to surprise me with negativity where there should be support. Take your path and enjoy it. Shower others with love for their path. And if you can’t do that… well then bless your heart.

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19 COMMENTS

  • Maura Regan

    Wow! This hit home. I stopped working as a nurse when I was 3 months pregnant. My neurologist thought it best because of my epilepsy. And 12 years and another baby I haven’t returned. Yes I miss it, but I’d miss my boys and being there for them way more. It’s a struggle for me as I find the majority of women look down on me. That I gave up my career or that my husband has to bare the burden of bread winner. I know, in my soul, I’m doing what’s right for me and my family. I married a man that supports me and that’s what makes us a team.
    Thank you for sharing! I for one have admired the fact that you have taken being a mother so seriously- people should learn from that, not criticize. God bless you!

  • Tracey

    Thank you!! I wish I could go back 15 years when I had my first baby to read these words. I lived in disappointment for what I felt were my short comings as a mother. I had a hard delivery, my baby fussed in public, I was depressed and tired, but I felt like I was the only one so I felt alone. I love your honesty of the hard times and your triumph over it all!! We HAVE to support each other and stop clawing away each other to try to knock someone down so you can somehow rise up…stupid! Most, if not all, of the negative comments you receive are from those who are jealous of what they think you have or have had to go through. No one truly understands the crosses we bare. Keep keeping it real and God bless your beautiful family!

  • Jennifer Pettus

    Girl, you hit the nail on the head. First off, becoming a mom is a very emotional thing for most, sometimes it just isn’t Instagram pretty. I too struggled with fertility issues. The Lord did bless me with 3 phenomenal children, sometimes the process was very heartbreaking and sometimes beautiful. But like you said we all have our story and no story is the same. That is the whole beauty of it. God created us all different. I wish women as a whole could see that and use it as a positive instead of a negative.

    I was blessed to be able to stay home with my babies and I will NEVER regret it. Though the days were long but the years were short. I loved every one of them, even the hard ones. My husband is a fantastic father, husband abs provider. And we did what we thought was best for our family. And it was the best for us. Guess what, I even rocked my babies to sleep every night until they didn’t want me to any more, even though people thought I was crazy for doing so. I didn’t care. We have to do what we feel is best for our families, some will agree and some won’t. And that’s ok, they are not you.

    Your story is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I hope that all of our stories help someone out there that is struggling and doesn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. If we all shared a little more, we could change the world for the better. So chin up butter cup. You are doing great things. And from what I have seen, you are a phenomenal mommy.

    • neishalovesit
      AUTHOR

      I love rocking baby to sleep ! I’ll prob do it like you did lol I want him to be a mommas boy for sure. And right one about sharing more – especially the bad. I try really hard to make sure I share the bad with the good. ♥️ I know hard days are ahead of me. Mom life isn’t for the faint of heart.

  • Elaine Smith

    Very true…all of it! When I started reading I was thinking “when the tide comes in…all the boats rise!” And then there you are saying it…BOOM!! Thinking the same 🤣

  • Anne Quinlan

    Good for you!! I had my babies in the 70’s and what I used to hear was “oh, you don’t work?” Or “You’re only a mom?” I knew I was fortunate that my husband could afford for me to stay home and felt strongly that he wanted me to. I loved being able to be at home with my four (5.5 years apart in age) until the youngest went to pre-school. Then I went back to work but was able to be home when they were. It was what we both wanted. I am so thankful for that time. Enjoy every second and for those less fortunate, your children will love you and appreciate how hard you have worked to provide for them.

  • Colleen

    I’ve enjoyed getting to know you and your family. Thank you and Dr B for all you do. Dr B’s work has helped my health tremendously. I wish I’d known about it before I went through 8 rounds of IVF! Yes 8! And of course that was after trying for years in other ways. I was a vegetarian during all of that. Now I’m a carnivore and healthier than I’ve ever been. I too also pray that my child (15yrs old now) is kind and good above and before anything else. God bless you and thanks for reminding our community to do unto others. We ALL have struggles. Keep being you girl! You rock!

  • Cristie Mcneese

    I cannot begin to express how much I love this! Girl A-freaking-men!! Being a mother is hard enough without us being down and negative on one another. When are we going to learn that we need to support and nurture one another. Girl thank you!

  • April Lovejoy

    I think you are amazing! And I think Beckett is adorable and yours and Dr. B’s Miracle! Moms should be lifting each other up. I wish you all the blessings in the world!❤

  • Linda Clewette

    I love your blogs and vlogs. I have been following you and your husband Dr Ken Berry for almost a year. You are both truly amazing and sincerely honest. Your story touched my heart. I am so happy that you are able to make a choice to stay home and nurture your beautiful little boy. Many years ago I was able to stay home with my baby and it is a decision that I have never regretted. I thank God everyday for that choice. You are a strong and beautiful woman because of the choices you make from the heart. Happy Holidays!!

  • Theresa Love

    Love you mean it! 💕💕💕

  • Liz Terrazas Raimo

    Neisha, I love this much needed Vlog. I am sorry you and any woman go through criticism while doing your best to be the best you.. Wife, Mom, Woman and find a Godly balance. You are a blessing to many. May you always be willing to be transparent and Real.. You may not know me personally, however you and yours are loved and prayed for and I admire your honesty. You be you..

  • Krista Fischer

    I’m an older “newish” mom to a 4 year old. I had her when I was 45 (complete and unplanned shock, as we already have 2 grown daughters, 29, 25) back in the early 90’s when I had them, times were different. There was no internet to learn and get info. All we had is “What to Expect While Expecting, my pregnancy bible.) There weren’t any judgements like there are today. We didn’t use the kind of car seats we do now, we used cribs that the sides raised up and down, we vaccinated and fed babies cereal at 6 weeks to help them sleep. So having a baby almost 30 years later, I was shocked that things were so different and the shaming is insane. All I knew was what I did in the 90’s and wasn’t prepared for these new ways. You definitely need thick skin to be in a mommy group, or just posting on your timeline. People are just sitting back waiting for you to do something wrong so they can be the expert to tell you not to do that.. I know you don’t discuss vaccines, (those have also changed big time) schedules, amounts given, ingredients, etc. My 4 year old was of course getting vaccines like her sisters did. That was until things didn’t seem right. We were going in more often, many more vaccines were given at once and I started seeing all the vaccine injury stories. We stopped at 12 months, just in time for her to skip the MMR. Neisha, I wish you would touch in this topic. You’re an influencer and you shouldn’t be worried about people disagreeing with you on your beliefs. You’re a nurse, hubby’s a Dr. we want to know what you 2 health experts think. Doing so may take an opposite turn than what you think. Oh another topic, baby wearing. I loved carrying my baby first in the K’tan and then we graduated to Ergo and on to the cream of the crop Tula… Ugh, don’t join any Tula groups and go down the rabbit hole of baby carrier obsessions. I had 15 Tula’s at one time, I was addicted. BUT it would be fun to see the different carriers you did end up getting. FYI- There’s a babywearing group (many of them!) Get a woven Tula or 10 please. That’s one that I wasn’t ever able to get, but you can! They’re gorgeous!! My comment here is long and dumb, but I enjoyed getting this out, without comparing stories of course 😆

  • Marsha Loftis

    Always be you that is the most important thing. I think you are a great mom and staying home is awesome to raise that precious baby!!!! We should all be ourselves. You go girl

  • Jeanine S.

    You are an inspiration!!! The people that say bad things and so on….either haven’t had any struggles in their lives, have no empathy, or are just ignorant as heck. I spent 11 years having infertility. I went through taking clomid and having several office procedures to several IVF’s which failed, one in which I flew to San Francisco to do. It was a long painful journey but I would never give it up for anything as it reminds me of the hard work i went through with love and determination to have a child. Today we have our beautiful son but not through IVF. He is our pride and joy, the love of our lives and we know what it took to be able to have a son who we adore. Those that have never had to go through this will never know our hearts, our souls and what we believe in. No ones experience should be ours….and we should be open minded to accept an array of experiences because we learn from one another. And not everyone has the perfect advice. The only perfect advice is the one from our God up above!! I am tired of the nasty people in the world…..just show them kindness is what I’ve learned because they lack so much more than we do.

  • Kim Talamonti

    It saddens me that you even had to write this. 😢
    You deserve everything you’ve gotten and more! You and Ken are truly wonderful people and the most perfect couple ever. Now you have the most precious gift in the world and he will have a world of love from you both.
    I have followed you for a couple of years now and I look forward to everything new you post on your blog, Facebook, YouTube and Instagram. I love seeing you happy and I love watching you with your son.
    Live your life (share it with us 😊) and block out the haters and negativity like you always do!
    2020 is going to be a great year for you guys! ❤️

  • Donna

    💕

  • Bronwyn Park

    Back when I was teaching, one year one of my kidlets had an Aunt who had been working (forget with what program) in remote Central America. When she came in to tell us about it, she told us of the women’s amazement at the idea of water that came right out of the wall into your house! How wonderful! But after awhile, one of the women talked about how they all enjoyed their daily meetings at the village well – their place to meet and talk with other women. “Where is your well?” She asked. Our well is here. Yours is a particularly good one, imop, and I love coming here to see what’s up. Thank you, Neisha, and have a fantastic 2020 and beyond ~

  • Annette

    You are amazing don’t let anyone tell you different. I’m much older than you and Doc but I enjoy you so much and feel like we could be friends. Stay strong ! Enjoy your path.

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