So, today is my 34th birthday. 33 was a big one. Huge. So many life changes and I just wanted to sit down and actually reflect on how I have changed as a person. Because, lemme tell ya, I have. Not only have I changed from who I was last year, but honestly how I have changed in the last 10. So here we GO!! An open letter to the year that defined me.
Dear 33, these are just a few of the things that you changed in me :
- Friends — What has changed in the last 10 years and last one year are pretty much the same. I have so many wonderful strong women friends. I am so blessed. I use to be that ” I don’t have girl friends, I just don’t get along with girls”person. No. Bullshit. I just didn’t WANT to have girl friends. Ya know why? Because I was not interested in putting in the work. Being an adult and having friends takes effort. It’s a two way street too. I didn’t pick good friends because I was in a bad place in my life and I knew REAL friends would show me the changes I needed to make. ( I did have a few real friends, one who has been my bff since we were basically born but she knows me well enough to know I wasn’t going to listen to good advice i.e. : that dude is TOXIC – cue the Britney music) But here I am at 34 and literally ALL of my friends are women. And not just a few, no I have a CIRCLE of strong, powerful, loving, passionate, hard working women. Fellow nurses, bloggers, & keto family. I can’t believe I missed out on having a girl gang most of my life. Lots of people can say “girls are just mean and I’m not into the drama”. Yea, girls…. GIRLS are. Real well adjusted ADULT women, don’t give a crap about any of that because they are busy raising beautiful children, or building an EMPIRE, or just ya know, having a life outside of giving a crap about anyones business but their own. Find you some of those women, make relationships and work on them. Be open when you have issues, and be loving when you know someone is going though trials. Be there for the long haul and you will be rewarded. I have friends from every walk of life and every age. I learn from them. I listen to the wisdom they give me and I hope that I can give them back a small percentage of what they have given to me.
2. Self-Awareness and AMBITION and being “Mules in Horse harnesses”
conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.
- a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.
Basically BE FREAKIN HONEST WITH YOUR DANG SELF!! Know your flaws, know your strengths. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. I have become so self-aware, and with that has come FREEDOM. Freedom to be unapologetically 100% authentically ME. I have no problems telling you anything about me, my past or my present. Ugly parts, pretty parts, boring parts, even unbecoming parts. I don’t care. I am not here to get 200k people to follow me because they think I am perfect but if they met me in public would be HORRIFIED. I am not here to make people think I live a perfect life (although it is pretty good right now I have to say). I am not that blogger. I hate that crap on instagram honestly and the minute I let go of trying to be like those girls, my following grew 15K…. so what does that tell you? Perfection is overrated. I don’t do my makeup everyday. I shit my pants after giving birth. My birth was HORRIBLE, I am married to the Rhett Butler scoundrel of my hometown not Prince Charming, ( and I am stoked about that BTW ) I love fancy things. I am materialistic because I never had the money for any of that until I became a nurse. Yea, not when I married Ken. Up until I helped Ken build his online presence he was poor too. Hence that whole “mule in horse harness thing, but I will get to that in a minute. I lived in a trailer growing up and I will do everything in my power to never live in one EVER again. If you know ANYONE who started that way, it is a very common trait to want to go as far as you possibly can and be as successful as you possibly can. I am here to tell you I will work my ass off to help build an Empire that not only provides for my family but gives back to the world as well. You can do both. You don’t have to be an asshole to make a living. I am AMBITIOUS – oh lord, that ugly word. YES, I am ambitious. I want to succeed. I also want to be someone who has made a difference in the world. That’s why I became a nurse in the first place. I want Ken to succeed because so many people have tried to use his past against him when it is his PAST that got him here. No one becomes a great person without first learning lessons by screwing up. That’s why the best pastors have the BEST testimonies. Going through the valley of horrible decisions brings out the BEST in real men and women. He is not my MONEY. He had basically nothing but baggage when I met him. I married him because I saw what others didn’t. He literally was a diamond in the rough. Married 3 previous times, with 4 kids, add all that child support, court fees and alimony up…There was nothing left for “us”. But I was an RN and I made my own money. I had no debt and was free to spend my money as I pleased. I earned that money by working hard in the best job I ever had and using a lot of Dave Ramseys methods (envelopes are gold). I was never happy where I was, I was driven for both of us to be more than people thought we could be. I convinced him he could do so much good through social media and that we could earn money from YouTube to pay off debt and gain financial freedom. He didn’t believe me, but 1 million subscribers later…. he does. YouTube pays our bills. I know you aren’t supposed to talk about money but I want people to know that if you have a passion for something, freakin do it!! Don’t let anyone keep you from doing something that will better your life. Haters gonna hate. I don’t like Taylor Swift but she got that one right. Self-awareness means knowing WHAT YOU WANT and being unapologetic about it. You want to be an author? A singer? An Artist? We live in the best time ever to be able to succeed in doing anything you want, AND make a living. No one can even use the victim excuse anymore. “It must be nice?” “Wish I could afford that.” You want it? Get your butt UP and WORK!! I wanted to be a BOSS. And baby, I am. Neither of us needed a degree to start a blog or a YouTube channel. YouTube is full of people who didn’t even go to college…. NO EXCUSES. THERE ARE NONE. It’s all about hustle. Oh yea, and I am the CEO of Petty.
3. Mom — I say I became a mom this year but that isn’t true. I do have 4 step-children whom I love. I truly became a mom when Morgan moved in with us a few years ago. She is mine even though I didn’t give birth to her. I hope she knows how much she means to me for so many reasons, but also because she gave me something most mom’s don’t get. She prepped me for Beckett. She is a huge pain in my ass but I love her more than anything. But still, having a baby come from your body is the biggest change of all. Last year on the day after my birthday, I took the final step in my IVF journey. I had the one and only embryo we had, placed with love and care inside of me. We prayed that the timing was right, and on Valentines day… I finally saw something most people take for granted. Two pink lines. In that moment my entire life changed. I saw him running around in our living-room, playing with our dogs, calling me “momma”. Running around in our backyard playing with the goats and pigs and standing under the trees where we got married. I carried that precious cargo though the worst year of my life. I went through the darkest depression I have ever known and thought things no pregnant woman should ever think about. I considered unspeakable things to end the emotional pain. I finally made it through to my labor… and experienced the worst physical pain of my life AFTER having him. Traumatic birth and excruciating recovery were not what I had planned for but honestly that’s the story of my life. My son taught me more in the 9 months he was inside me than I can ever explain to anyone. He saved my life. He gave me hope when I had none and gave me joy when all I felt was sorrow. He was there when no one was. He was there in the dark when I cried silently beside my husband who was also grieving and under stress. He kicked to remind me he was there and that he loved me. He pushed into my ribs to tell me I was never alone even when I thought I was. I know he will continue to teach me things and mold me into a better person. I will grow as he grows. I will learn as he learns. I will fail and so will he. We are a team. I can only hope to give him what he has already given me.
Tenacity : I am truly grateful for what this past year handed me. I don’t think anything will ever scare me again. I have a strength in me now that I never had. I have a will to survive and thrive. I wake up with a grateful heart everyday and take NOTHING for granted. I have purpose and more than that I have JOY. True joy. I understand that it’s not where you are planted, it’s how you grow that matters. I know I will look back at this blog in 10 years and laugh and cry. But I hope future me remembers that our life started this year. I don’t even remember anything before right now. It’s like it was all a dream. It happened to someone else in another life, in another place. Dear Future Me, 33 shaped you. And for that it is by far, my BEST YEAR ever. Thank you world, for dealing me that shit storm that was 33. I am forever thankful.